henriette linnea

I am sitting here at school, wondering what to do, because it is break. I don?t know what to do, if I go out there they will get all over me, and I wouldn?t know what to do. So that is why I just sit here. Because I don?t want to be scratched, spitted on and looked at as if I were an alien. At this point in my mind it is almost like I already am one. Inside I feel like I am dead, but I know I am not, then I wouldn?t set myself through all this shit. It is like hell here, everybody is staring at me, and I know why.

It?s all because of what I did to him. It wasn?t my fault he fall for me so fast. It was not in my plans. I thought I did the right thing, but now I know I didn?t. I shouldn?t have spoken to him in the first place, because now everyone knows what I did. It was almost like he felled for me even before we spoke the first time. I knew it was wrong at the time when I realized that I didn?t have any feelings for him. I didn?t have the heart to tell him at first. But then when this great opportunity came along, I had to take it. I knew I would break his heart. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was going to heel it. But I was wrong. He fall right down in the ground, and somehow managed to take me with him. He also managed to get up again, but without me. He left me down there, alone to die. It was social suicidal. And I knew it the day I chose Ben over John.

Ben was there for me all the time, we were best friends for life, and I should have let it stayed that way. Everyone was saying how cute we were together, and I knew he was madly in love with me. But I only liked him as a friend. But that didn?t stop me. After breaking John?s heart the first thing I did was go straight to Ben and asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend. Of course he said yes. But as the relationship went on, I never had more feelings for him than as a friend. And I found myself looking at other guys, and with this one boy I felt connection. It felt like we had something, and I just couldn?t let this chance slip. A few days after that it was over between me and Ben, he cried, I didn?t.

But the new boy didn?t seem to care anymore. So that is why I am sitting here alone in the classroom. Waiting for the world to change. I have the music on high, so I can?t hear anything outside. I think there is someone in the room, but I don?t feel like looking. If it is someone who is here to talk bullshit, I can?t stand it anymore. I would just break down in tears. Next the earplugs were pulled out of my ears. That was it! Now it was enough! I turned around to yell. But there they were; the beautiful eyes that I had felt connection with. Jack?s beautiful brown eyes close up to my own ugly green eyes. He said with the softest voice: ?Do you want to hang out some day?? and he smiled the most gorgeous smile I have ever seen. He kept on saying: ?I felt connection that one day, the day you gave me the most wanting look I have ever seen. I fall for you right there, and my mind was never the same again. I can?t stop thinking about you.? I think I am dreaming, I need to check this, I leant forward and kissed him. He kissed back, it was real. I wasn?t dreaming! My heart skipped a beat. ?So what?s your answer? Do you want to hang out?? he said, with expectation in his voice. ?Of course? was all I got to press out of my happy mouth that still felt his lips.